Have you ever heard of Whinny the Shark? The easy going, sun dwelling make-believe bear friend of Christopher Robin. Does honey come in a shark shaped container? That sweet rich syrup dripping from seven rows of plastic teeth, below the textured dorsal fin bottle hand grip. Ever hear of a shark as a positive child hood cartoon character? Smokey the Bear calmly and respectfully willing you to douse your fire out. Know why you have never heard of these things-
Because sharks will kill you.
They are no joke, no ploy, no selling point, not lovable and have no personality. They arent fun, they dont want to be your friend and the only reason they would use honey is if it would make your guts taste better. Christopher Robin would have no arms. Ruthless. Killers. A shark is the worst date ever. He’ll leave you with the check, then eat your whole family. They dont even sleep. The just kill and think about killing. Seven rows of teeth. Seven….In the time you were contemplating that, a shark would have killed you and your bear friends a million times.
Christopher can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.