Monthly Archives: June 2012

Stoner Sea Gypses

It was the stoner sea gypseas that brought us to Koh Jum. Our old school network of friendly locals summoned them to the pier, a slight haze of smoke drifting behind the boat.We knew that the price was too much, but we didnt really care. Bob Marly shirts and dark shades, they sipped reefer discreetly from the back of the boat, as they navigated us between islands.I offered them a cold beer but they refused on moral grounds saying that hey only smoke, I found it an interesting contrast to the western value system.

Koh Jum was picked in our desperation for remoteness, a random look at a map and some good words from the motel owner. No one really goes there and that was enough. He should have qualified what he said, no one without money goes there. It is home to preposterous private bungalows for the rich.

The captain of the boat had a chuckle when I told him our budget, landing us on the beach in front of ” The pearl”. “This place is for you,” he said, to our right movie star girls bath in expensive looking suits. We went left.

The pearl was run by Ricks family, who are nothing short of delightful. It was only random that we landed at his place, a long string of conversations with people trying to suggest a good time, as opposed to make a profit. Our room cost us 5$ AUS a night and the food not much more. A shack of wood, nothing to do and piles of food, this is how I spent my 26th birthday.

Trust the sea gypsies.

 

 

Save the Animals

Her bottom lip quivered as she talked to us. Every now and again her brow would furrow. Normally I wouldn’t notice, but her accent was coming across as strongly American. It was going to be a long boat ride to Koh Hai.

“They have these giant sharp hook that they torture the elephant with.” I can almost see the tears welling up in her eyes. I was kicking myself, what a stupid conversation to get into at 8am, especially with a Californian. I quickly made a note, animals in third world countries was to be added to my list of Thing Not to Small Talk About with Strangers. Naturally, I didnt know the potential for this situation at the time, but I was regretting it none the less. She went on about the working, breaking, torture (this word surfaced a couple of times) and general mistreatment of thai elephants.

She explained that even an enlightened animal lover like her had been suckered into an hour l0ng elephant torture show, or jungle trek as it is prescribed to tourists. I was beginning to suspect that she had a better time making social connections with injured elephants than with people. “I could have just kicked the little thai guides head in. Poke him with a hook and see how he likes it.” The irony.

I held my breath to keep my secrets, because there was no way I was going to let it slip that we had been riding baby elephants just the day before. Not only that but we loved it. Every second.

From our little remote house  on South Koh Lanta we had borrowed kayaks and paddled past ancient thai fishing communities to Sung Ga Uh resort. The option to ride only came up when we met the elephant trainers, two young chilled out local thai guys. They didn’t carry any knives, have patches over their eyes or hooks for hands. They only carried small sticks which they tapped on the elephant as often as they would offer them a pet. Smiling and with proud new english, they explained that they are so young because they are lifetime trainers for the animal, the animals only respond to one trainer. After our stroll, they put on a little show for a band of local kids from the near by muslim fishing town. Everyone laughed as the little ones played soccer with the animals. Torture isn’t exactly the word I would use for it.

Krazy Koh Lanta

Three days on Koh Pei Pei was more than enough, without sadness we left the adolescent lost-boy playground, and took the slow boat to Koh Lanta for some diving. I left my outstanding bar tab on a table at Puba’s bar and didnt look back. Due to a random booking, we found ourselves doing a home stay on a remote part of Lanta, commuting by moto bike. It felt like Thai Easy Rider, without the drugs and with a scooter, so I guess thats a poor comparison. This is one of those stories:

The darkness is a compelling depth of black, but our small beam of light is righteous with urgency. I cant read how fast we are going. Everything seems to be moving faster this night, even he frogs, who leap across the slick pavement in flocks, barely avoiding death by our skinny scooter tires. Even they have enough sense to get out of the way of this storm.

I cant even see the rain, I can only feel its pure tropical power. Large unfamiliar bullits envelop us, our only relief found under the small brim of our scooter caps. My eyebrows are the only dry part of my body. Puddles mar our path, spilling from the feeble shoulder of the road. Still, we race on, fearing the complete submersion of Koh Lanta Island.

Linzay has her arms wrapped around me, she yells warnings, encouragement and advice simultaneously and without breath, I think if she took a breath she might drown. It spills out of her like this: “ Watch your high beams A car is coming Your doing great Big puddle coming up.” I am maverick and she is goose. We contemplate the complete submersion of all known things.
Thunder roars. For a moment, lightening illuminate the jungle, bright as day, like God was using his camera flash.

Needless to say, this was not our plan. We left from the remote southern limits of the island with the comfort of sun on our windshield and the wind at our tail pipes. As soon as we reached the northern town, and our friends in Salidan, the black rolled quickly announced only by a low heavenly growl.

We stop at a Muslim run gas station, where a barrel is attached to a hose and hand pump which measures the liters. The locals are dressed in a pure white, heads covered, looking at us with wide smiling eyes. Together, we all laugh at our situation, this situation exceeds language barriers. Kids in crisp white gowns and matching hats jump on garden fertilizer bags in the middle of the shop. They dont even seem to notice that its raining.

Mers and Puba or how to relax.

 

 

“This is my wife.” Mers taps a small bottle, of what he swears is Thailand’s best brandy- Regency.

“Five star.” He starts pouring yet another glass, “You see someone drink this….”

He trails off, motioning his hands higher and higher, like he was climbing a ladder.

“Then they are O.K.,” He said, “Five Star.” he reminded me, this time with 5 fingers spread wide.

I never contemplated Thailand as a brandy mecca, so I decide to take his word for it. Puba is grinning at the comment, his big smile looks deceivingly exaggerated when compared with Mers’ Clint Eastwood impression. Mers’ kind of scares me. Its hard to tell how old he is, and I suspect he’d be pretty quick to cut you. I make sure not to look at his wife.

Clint Eastwood sips.

“Want something to eat? We have fish head left.” Puba is grinning with commitment. When I tell him Im full, he laughs, as if he suspected I might say that. Everyone knew I wouldn’t even know where to start eating a fish head.

Clint Eastwood’s lips move. A smile.

For a second, the three of us stare off at debauchery bay, a string stupidly themed bars located across the lagoon. Mindless music competes for attention, like the scant make-up caked girls that populate the shore. The total effect is dislocated booms, off beat and out of tune, a million car wreaks. All the audio grace of a seizure.

Clint Eastwood squints. One Eye.

We are the only ones at Pubas Relaxation bar.It is all a stark contrast. Puba’s joint is the end of the road, located on the outskirts of the small hotel worker shanty town. Its only draw, a hand painted sign promising two things; Puba and Relaxation. A third unadvertised draw being a strong, if not redundant, Bob Marly collection.

Across the way, someone is spraying an impressive stream of fire into the air. Some sort of outrageous fire show has started, flames spinning up and down the beach. It all adds to a contrived and bizarre Vegas vibe which seems, if nothing else, very unsafe.

Clint Eastwood is unimpressed. Which he shows by squinting some more, and lifting glass to his lips.

Collectively, we peel ourselves away from the madness. We talk about tourists, Puba leading the charge, “We dont like big talkers. Flashing money. We thai people, we like to sit and talk, not like that.” He points back to the mess. “We dont care about skin (color), we care about whats in here,” he points to his chest, his eyes going a little bit glassy. It all seems very honest.

Clint Eastwood nods in agreement and drains the remainder of his bottle.